About four years ago I made the decision to homeschool our two kids. Well, really just our oldest son who was in Pre-K at the time. Our other son was only two at the time. "How hard could it be it's Pre-K," I thought." We organized the "school room", bought the curriculum, and we were all ready to go.
I was excited in the beginning but as time went on I became overwhelmed and stressed out. My son was struggling a lot (at the time we didn't realize he had a dyslexia/dysgraphia issue) and I was an angry mom all of the time. I didn't like what it did to my son, to me, and to our relationship. Needless to say, at the end of that year I was rung out, stress out, and I told myself I would NEVER homeschool again!
NEVER!!!
Fast forward the 3-4 years and here we are again; Re-organizing the school room and getting supplies for not just one child but both of our children. How did we end up here? Jokingly...I told God I would "never, ever" do this again! But in all seriousness...He said "YES" and how could I argue with Him (actually I did for a little bit...my following didn't come easy!)?
For the past year I've been begging God to show me what I am to do with my time, talent, and treasure. I've been begging Him to show me my purpose. I've worked in radio ministry, I've personal trained, I've done all kinds of "at home businesses" to help our family and others, I've written a book and currently working on another, I personal assist people, and I do videography/photography at church. I've loved doing all of these things but I have still felt empty. I kept asking God knowing He would eventually give me the answer.
One day this summer I was working on some homework sheets to help our kids stay on track over the summer. Now, let me say that most days it was like pulling teeth to get them to sit still to do a sheet of paper. We could read together, workout, watch TV, clean, and all kinds of stuff but put a piece of paper in front of them and they would shut down. But this particular day they did it without a fight. I was sitting with my boys and I had this overwhelming "you need to homeschool."
At first I thought "what in the world" that's not real...I'm just having an emotional experience thinking about how big my kids have gotten. But the longer I sat the stronger the feeling got. The whole day I felt that way. I asked the Lord, "Are you telling me to do this?" In my Spirit I knew He was saying yes.
Then the excuses started...
"God I can't do that, I carpool with another family and they need me."
He said "Text them and see how they are doing."
I did...and come to find out they decided to put their kids in a different school.
"God I can't do this because there is no time to get them into the program."
He said, "Just try, what do you have to lose?"
We tried and they got put on the waiting list of K-12. One child was number 12 and the other was number 9 on the waiting list.
"Ha, I said see...I'm not meant to do this...there is our answer! They will just go to their old school! Finally, they will be in the same school and mommy will have the freedom to do all that God has called her to do!"
About 5 days later we got a call that both boys got in...in pleanty of time to get everything together before they started.
Then the personal excuses started coming...
"God I can't do this! Do you not remember what happened last time? It brought me into an anxious state that I still struggle to get out of sometimes."
"God I am not ready to do this...it will take up all of my time. I won't be able to write for you, help the church as much, or assist others, or do the ministry you have called me to."
In my heart I felt Him say, "Tiffany this is what I have called you to do for this season."
"Ahhh crap!!!" I thought.
Am I ready to do this? Not really. Do I feel inadequate? Absolutely! Am I ready to give up my freedom? Heck no! But when God says YES how can I argue?
When God makes everything fall into place how can I deny this is what I am suppose to do?
I am terrified!
I am also having all kinds of selfish feelings...
But at the center of it all/at the core of my being I have this undeniable peace that I am exactly where I need to be.
See, it's not about me...it's about my kids and getting them the help that they need...helping them become all that God has created them to be.
A few weeks ago we found out that our oldest son has dysgraphia/dyslexia and he has been struggling in school. We kind of knew for about two years this may be an issue but we didn't realize how much it was affecting him until this year. We didn't realize how much it had torn down his self-esteem. We were unaware how far behind he had fallen because of all of it. But now we do know and it's our jobs as parents to help our son fix it...to help him get better.
As a family we are taking this leap...to follow God's yes! We know it won't be easy but we know it's a must! We also know that because God told us to do this He will be with us every step of the way! He will help us. He will help our sons. And as a family...through this...He will show us what all of our purposes are on this earth (individually and collectively)!
I want to encourage you friend that if God has said yes and has made a way for you...follow Him!!! He knows what's best for you and will not lead you astray!
You may freak out at first but He will give you undeniable peace! You may not know where the path will lead but He does!!!
Blindly following with you friends,
Tiffany
P.S. Please pray for our family! We know this is going to be tough but it's a must! Please send me a message and let me know how we can be praying for you!