When I was a little girl, even though I was a tomb boy at heart, I was a sucker for stuffed animals and dolls. One of my favorite dolls that I carried around was a Cabbage Patch Kid doll and I adored her. I called her Fanny...don't hate on the name OK I was like five when I named her. She kept me company in the night hours when everyone in the house was asleep and I couldn't sleep or my three older brothers were off doing other things that I wasn't allowed to do because I was too little to join. We were the best of friends...even to the point that she shared her clothes with me. Let me explain...
One night when everyone was asleep, Fanny and I were awake. My dad had fallen asleep on the couch in front of the television. So, Fanny and I were playing in the light of the TV and we had the bright idea to swap clothing...OK so she didn't really agree to it people she was a doll...but I decided that her clothes were cute and I wanted to rock one of her t-shirts.
So, I took her shirt off and started to put my arms through the arm holes. Somehow I managed to get my arms in and at that point I was committed to getting the rest of my body in the tiny doll shirt so I started to stick my head through the shirt hole. I started to shift my body back and forth to try to make it work but the more I struggled the more that I became trapped in the pink cotton shirt covered in rainbows. I started to panic because I had a hard time getting each breath out due to the small space I had created for myself. I quickly realized I was not going to fit my body into her clothes and I needed help.
I started to run round and round in circles and yelling for my daddy to help me. He woke up startled and once he realized what I had done he quickly grabbed a pair of sissors to cut my contortioned body out of the doll clothing to set me free! I was so relieved. I never once tried to put on my dolls clothing anymore because after that experience, I learned that they were not made for me.
David was stuck in a similar situation ...on a much grander scale...when he was about to go battle against Goliath. He needed armor so Saul tried to put on his personal armor over David's body and it was way too big for him...
1 Samuel 17: 38-39
38 Then Saul had his own military clothes put on David. He put a bronze helmet on David’s head and had him put on armor. 39 David strapped his sword on over the military clothes and tried to walk, but he was not used to them. “I can’t walk in these,” David said to Saul, “I’m not used to them.” So David took them off.
David wasn't use to them. They were too big for David. They clothing was made for Saul, a grown man, not David a young Shepard boy. He didn't feel right wearing someone else's armor. So, he took the armor off and gathered 5 smooth stones and took his sling shot with him.
"40 Instead, he took his staff in his hand and chose five smooth stones from the wadi and put them in the pouch, in his shepherd’s bag. Then, with his sling in his hand, he approached the Philistine."
Lately, I've been learning...and it has not been an easy thing to learn...that God has a perfect fit in this life for all of us. I know that should be comforting but lately it has been frustrating to me. Hear me out... I see others step into their calling all around me. I see others get promoted, walk in their perfect gifting, and being fulfilled because they have found "it."
I've been in this holding place for a while where I've reverted back to that little girl in her living room and trying to shove her body into a small doll's clothing because she likes a shirt. Metaphorically, I have been running after things like a crazy person trying to "fit into" or makeshift "my calling" in this life. I've signed up for only God knows how many "at home" businesses to be fulfilled (I have to say Juice Plus is the best I've ever seen or tried in case you are trying to find one!!! Hands down the best! Just a side note! :)!). I've made jewelry, bought a sillohette machine, and all kinds of things to find it! Yes, some of this has been fun but a lot of it has been this desperate chase to find my calling in this life.
I'm finally in a place that waiting is painful, I feel moments of panic, and sometimes I feel as if I can't breathe. But at the same time all of these things are taken place I have peace...God takes His love, patience, and Holy Spirit to remind me that He's got me and He's not done with me yet...He's been cutting me free of my struggle. He's reminding me that there is a perfect fit for me and I just have to be patient. I have to quit trying to make it happen. I have to stop trying to "put someone else's clothes" or calling on. He's reminding me that if I keep seeking other people's purpose and calling "armor" that He has placed on their life and trying to wear them as my own...then it will crush me.
Friends, is this where you are? Are you constantly searching? Have you been trying to fit yourself into someone else gifting? Have you too been trying to put on someone else's armor for battle and it's crushing you? I want to encourage you to let the Lord, the God of all comfort to comfort you and bring peace to you and cut you free from the striving, the working to make it work on your own...you are miserable because of your struggle and the makeshifting of your "calling and purpose."
Let the Creator take over...lay down your plans, your ideas for your life, stop the struggle, and let Him bring you to peace! In our surrender, in the silence, in the waiting...He is working!!!
Plus, He knows what is the absolute best for us any way!
Waiting with you friends!